Calling In The Cavalry
February 7, 2010 
I’m finding myself at my wits end and closing myself off from the outside world. As a result I sent the following email (basically) to all of my friends. Then I had a thought, “Why not post it too?” There are plenty of people who read my blog, well plenty of people who could read my blog and offer support. So here’s the basic message. If I’ve already emailed you I apologize.
I’m continuing my gait training (walking) although it’s not going as quickly as it did at first. I can now walk with crutches without much difficulty. I’m working on walking with a quad cane. It’s very difficult and even more frustrating.
I’ve been discharged from aquatic therapy. The justification being that I know what to do and I can do it without assistance so I don’t need to be overseen by a PT in the pool anymore. This is something that I’m not happy with at all since I feel that the only place I am progressing is the pool.
I’ve been in constant communication with my team in Boston trying to figure out how to best resolve my frustrations. So far things are at a standstill but I’m hoping things will be resolved soon, even if it means making a bigger transfer of care to Boston rather than try and coordinate everyone on my own.
I have another post-operative appointment in Boston on the 26th. This was suppose to be a normal appointment to check on my progress and to consider the next step, whether to keep me post-op or move toward more of a maintenance plan; unfortunately with all the issues that have arisen in the last few weeks the visit may be more than “just routine”
If that weren’t enough to make your head spin I need to change insurance plans at the end of the month. My insurance companies (yes, 2) as well as human resource people are being less than helpful so I can get all the paperwork processed in time to avoid a lapse in coverage. And a lapse in coverage would make it impossible for me to go to Boston to continue my post-op care.
The reason why I’ve called this post “Calling In The Cavalry” isn’t an attempt to be cute or funny, at least not this time. All of these issues are serious roadblocks in my recovery, and they need to be removed. I feel as though there is nothing else I can do right now but pray for everything to be resolved. So please say a prayer or two (or 400) on my behalf. I could really use the help more than ever now.
A friend sent me an email today and in the signature was a verse that seems to fit my situation:
“Rejoice in hope, be patient under trail, persevere in prayer.”
- Romans 12:12
Will you join my cavalry?
Sickness
Out of the entire liturgical year yesterday is probably my least favorite day.
Here’s why:
This is St. Blaise
He’s the reason why Catholics get their throats blessed on February 3rd each year
He’s the reason why I get sick every year.
I wouldn’t really say I’m superstitious BUT when it comes to St. Blaise I believe I have just cause to be. You see each year, when I get my throat blessed, I’m either already sick or I get sick shortly after, like the next day.
Weird?
You bet.
Clearly St. Blaise and I were not meant to be close friends.
But at least I’m not sick.
How’s that for logic?
Trying
My best isn’t enough right now, or at least so far (at least it doesn’t feel that way).
I haven’t come up with anything. If anything I’m stressing myself out over probably nothing (worth stressing over).
I went to bed early last night thinking the earlier I ended a bad day the better chance I’d have a good day, or at least an “OK” day. It didn’t work. But I can try again tomorrow I guess.
The only thing I’ll probably get joy from today is a memory, a college memory, one from not too long ago but it feels so long ago. For this reason I will always find groundhogs funny, although I hope I never actually come across one. I might start laughing, then it will probably bite me, then I’ll probably stop laughing. Because being bitten by a groundhog is not funny. Because when is being bitten by anything funny?
This is something I’ve read a few times but I thought it needed some editing so it could work better for me.
I asked God to take away my pain.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away,
but for you to give it up.
I asked God to make ME whole.
God said, No.
YOUR spirit is whole,
YOUR body is only temporary.
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a by-product of tribulations;
it isn’t granted, it is earned.
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings;
Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares
and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own,
but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life so that
you may enjoy all things.
I asked God to help me LOVE others,
as much as he loves me.
God said… Ahhhh,
finally you have the idea.
Author Unknown
On The 7th Day
I tend to cry.
God rests.
I sob.
Ironic.
At least it’s strange.
I’m not much of a crier; at least I didn’t use to be. Since surgery things have changed. At first it was the relief of being post-op overwhelmed me. Then it was the meds. Now it’s, who knows? All that matters is it converges on Sunday and I wake up crying. Probably because it’s one of the rare days I have to myself. I can catch myself thinking of all kinds of things. What I’ve done this week. What’s in the week ahead? It gets overwhelming, even if it seems so simple on the surface.
What’s funny is the contrast between therapy in the pool and therapy on land. I can do so much more in the pool, most of my program, plus ten laps, and then they’re kicking me out of the pool. I could spend all day in there if they let me. I probably would too. Once I’m upstairs things get difficult. I can spend an entire session kneeling and working on pelvic stability, which I have little of right now, or I could be sweating trying to walk 150 feet with a quad cane, and having so much difficulty with each step. If I didn’t know better even I would think it was two different people.
One of my “pool buddies” sometimes sees me walk into the gym (he also marvels at my ability to swim so many laps) and says, “Here comes Wonder Woman.”
Yes I’m Wonder Woman
And gravity is my kryptonite.
Darn thing.
*I’ve been listening to worship services and all kids of songs all day hoping I’ll get some inspiration or gain some kind of valuable insight that seems to be well overdue. We’ll just have to see what, if anything, happens for me.*
Thursday Thirteen
I got an idea from Brewster but instead of doing a Monday’s Top 10 I’m going to do sort of a Thursday rundown with thirteen things.
Thirteen Things about this week:
1. Vivi Kate is home with her gaggle of new siblings, mom, and dad.
2. Emily is free of CF
3. Haley is home from the NICU
4. The Pope wants priests to blog
5. I’m reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett
6. I talked to my cousin in North Carolina. She has one more week before she can walk on her now healing foot again.
7. Yesterday all the mail was for me, but very little of it was actually exciting.
8. I got my official excused notice for jury duty.
9. I got (500) Days of Summer but have very little interest in watching it.
10. I think some guy tried to pick me up (not literally).
11. I’m trying to catch up on journaling, from September.
12. I seriously need a haircut.
13. I’m in complete denial that my birthday is coming up.
True Story Tuesday
Where In The World?
It’s not unusual for me to get into unusual conversations at work. I suspect this is true of most work places. Right? What adds a little extra spice is that this is almost everybody’s second job or they’re a college kid on work study (or working two jobs while working though college on top of that)
We’ve had a fair amount of new people come into work, since the semester just started and all, so that means an influx of paperwork. Now it’s not exactly my job to input the paperwork but in the interest of doing a good deed I did some paper pushing.
My thought being, would I like it if someone left the paperwork for 50 new people on my desk to input into the computer when someone else could’ve easily done it if they had the chance?
No.
So I pulled up a chair and typed away.
We have 4 workstations in a small space; 2 side by side mirroring the other 2 side by side. There’s also usually double the amount of people that need to circulate in said space. It makes things interesting when chaos hits but it also gives us an excellent opportunity to socialize while working on our individual tasks.
Take this weekend.
As I’m typing I’m noticing we have an unusual number of internationals, as in under “address” it’s nowhere in the USA. I guess the number really isn’t that high, it could always be higher, but I could just be noticing it more too.
At some point someone starts talking about the new people and what kind of workers we hope they’ll be, and what they might actually be. I take the opportunity to spin my chair around and report my observation.
“Did you know we have a few people here from Nepal. And India, like actual India. The only reason why I noticed was because the country code for India isn’t IN or whatever I thought it would be. I guess I could see people from India working here but Nepal? Where is Nepal anyway?” (I realized this makes me seem so worldly, open minded, and educated. Try not to be jealous)
A: “It’s on the continent of Asia close to Afghanistan and uh….”
“So it’s one of those countries my uncle would affectionately call, ‘one of those ‘Stan countries’”
A: “No, uh, and there’s mountains, and goats, and that kind of stuff.”
“Yeah I know that. Is that bad that I can tell you about Nepal but not actually where it is.”
A: “I can guarantee you one thing the majority of them are Buddhist, like Afghanistan.”
B: “Wait a minute; Afghanistan is mostly Muslim not Buddhist.”
A: “Uh, that’s right, what I meant to say is Nepal is mainly Buddhist, like Afghanistan is mainly Muslim.”
“Yeah right, I get it, but can any of us find it on a map?”
Please try to contain your amazement at our vast knowledge of geography, ecology, religions, and world culture as a whole. We’re really a smarter bunch than we let on to be.
Without further adieu I give you Nepal
Now that I’ve found it on a map I just might have to visit someday.
For the record I know where India is & can locate it on a map, thank-you-very-much
MADM: Haiti
Part 2-ish
(Part 1-ish)
A few days post Haitian earthquake I realized I had to stop. I had to stop watching. I think that’s what happens when you’ve been in my situation; you put yourself first for a while in order to better put others ahead of yourself later on. When something happens that you could do something about you wish you didn’t make the choice you did, even if it is the best choice for you personally.
The more I watched, read, and heard the more I’d say, “This stupid chair,” “These damn crutches,” “If only the timing could’ve been better, even by just a little.”
I’d sob because once again I was doing nothing. I got mad as stories would surface on the net questions whether journalists were crossing the line by helping people in need rather than just reporting.
Did people really think someone like Sanjay Gupta would just stand by and report the number of broken, yet still living, people he walked past? Do they even know he took an oath that clearly states, “First do no harm…”
I just can’t watch the news right now. After one story on Haiti I’m spent. I’m glad the Lord planned for me to be working during the Help For Haiti Now telethon or else I would’ve gotten even more angry.
I don’t have issues with people giving money to a cause but that’s just one part of the relief effort. You can poor all the money in the world into something but it won’t do much good if people aren’t on the ground turning money into supplies, into water, food, blankets, tents, diapers, bandages, basic medical care.
After spending a year serving others and then witnessing so many disasters I’ve come to realized I’m not a money person. I can’t just write a check and feel good about myself. You can promise me a million times that my donation will go far but call me a skeptic, maybe I’ve had too many promised broken, maybe I’ve been lied to one too may times, maybe I’m just that big of a control freak, maybe I’m just selfish.
I wish more people would go to Haiti and become the much needed man power. I wish I could be one of them.
I started reading Anne Jackson’s blog during her trip to India with Compassion International, now Anne’s going to Haiti (because the Lord told her to and she said yes). Please take some time out of your day to read about what Anne has to say about her adventures in Haiti and contribute to the relief efforts in some way.
I’d like to point out that even though people feel the need to give so much now it’s important that “now” becomes a long term effort. So if you want to send money or be on a team but it’s not within your means right now there will be needs for years to come. Haiti wasn’t the mot prosperous country pre-quake, now its situation is even worse. What I’d like to do it stop, or at least lessen, “donor fatigue” from setting in in my own little way.
I’m no stranger to “donor fatigue” personally. Part of my responsibilities when I was a volunteer was managing donations, making sure they got to the kids that needed them, thanked the people who had given, organized what would be used whenever it needed to be, sorting though what wasn’t of use and finding another place to send it. I swear I spent weeks in the toy or clothes closet making sense of everything around me, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure,” especially if it’s disorganized.
What I always found funny, because it wouldn’t be worth the energy to become frustrated, was when and how we got donations. Christmas was a no brainer. I couldn’t write the thank you notes fast enough never mind find a place for it all. Spring was also a high yielding donation time, for which the exact reason I still can’t put my finger on. We’d be in hog heaven one minute and scrapping the bottom of the barrel the next.
What I also discovered is how little though people seemed to put into donations and the practicality of them. Granted I was staring various needs in the face every day and someone would walk in with trash bags full of old, but clean, stuffed animals. What we really could use was diapers for the kid whose mom forgot to bring more in for the 3rd day in a row or a new pair of shoes for the boy in classroom E because his are too small. And let’s not get me started on the ratio of baby related donations to pre school related donations. No matter how hard you try to coordinate it all it never works out the way you’d like it to.
I continue to be grateful for anyone who contributes in any way (so don’t see this as a rant please) but I’ve also seen the downsides of donating. So please do what you can, whenever you can, all that matters is that you did something.
Whatever, Aquarius
If I told you I come from an interesting family it wouldn’t exactly be a lie, even if it comes off a little insulting. You never know what might fly at you when we come together. We’re a mixed bunch. Every once and a while, “Whatever, Aquarius,” becomes the comeback to whatever I said.
“Aquarians basically possess strong and attractive personalities. They fall into two principle types: one shy, sensitive, gentle and patient; the other exuberant, lively and exhibitionist, sometimes hiding the considerable depths of their character under a cloak of frivolity. Both types are strong willed and forceful in their different ways and have strong convictions, though as they seek truth above all things, they are usually honest enough to change their opinions, however firmly held, if evidence comes to light which persuades them that they have been mistaken. They have a breadth of vision that brings diverse factors into a whole, and can see both sides of an argument without shilly-shallying as to which side to take. Consequently they are unprejudiced and tolerant of other points of view. This is because they can see the validity of the argument, even if they do not accept it themselves. They obey the Quaker exhortation to “Be open to truth, from whatever source it comes,” and are prepared to learn from everyone.
Both types are humane, frank, serious minded, genial, refined, sometimes ethereal, and idealistic, though this last quality is tempered with a sensible practicality. They are quick, active and persevering without being self-assertive, and express themselves with reason, moderation and sometimes, a dry humor.
They are nearly always intelligent, concise, clear and logical. Many are strongly imaginative and psychically intuitive, so that the Age of Aquarius, which is about to begin, is much anticipated by psychic circles as an age in which mankind will experience a great spiritual awakening. The Aquarian philosophical and spiritual bent may be dangerous in that it can drive the subjects into an ivory-tower existence where they meditate on abstractions that bear little relevance to life. On the other hand it can help the many who have scientific leanings to combine these with the Aquarian yearning for the universal recognition of the brotherhood of man, and to embark on scientific research to fulfill their philanthropic ideals of benefiting mankind. When some cause or work of this nature inspires them, they are capable of such devotion to it that they may drive themselves to the point of exhaustion and even risk injuring their health.
Both types need to retire from the world at times and to become temporary loners. They appreciate opportunities for meditation or, if they are religious, of retreats. Even in company they are fiercely independent, refusing to follow the crowd. They dislike interference by others, however helpfully intended, and will accept it only on their own terms. Normally they have good taste in drama, music and art, and are also gifted in the arts, especially drama.
In spite of the often intensely magnetic, forthcoming and open personality of the more extrovert kind of Aquarian, and of their desire to help humanity, neither type makes friends easily. They sometimes appear to condescend to others and take too little trouble to cultivate the acquaintance of people who do not particularly appeal to them.
They do not give themselves easily – perhaps their judgment of human nature is too good for that – and are sometimes accounted cold. But once they decide that someone is worthy of their friendship or love, they can exert an almost hypnotic and irresistible mental attraction on them and will themselves become tenacious friends or lovers, ready to sacrifice everything for their partners and be faithful to them for life. However, they are sometimes disappointed emotionally because their own high personal ideals cause them to demand more of others than is reasonable. And if they are deceived their anger is terrible. If disillusioned, they do not forgive.” –Part taken from Astrology-Online.com
In the interest of full disclosure, I think that’s what you would call this, the Bible does say the Lord created the stars, its right there in Genesis:
Then God said, “Let lights appear in the sky to separate the day from the night. Let them mark off the seasons, days, and years. Let these lights in the sky shine down on the earth.” And that is what happened. God made two great lights—the larger one to govern the day, and the smaller one to govern the night. He also made the stars.
–Genesis 1:14-16
However, I do not believe I should believe what the stars tell me. God may have made the stars but He made me too, and He made me in His own image, how He wanted me to be.
I do identify with being an Aquarius however I won’t let it define me. I have been known to read my daily horoscope now and then but with experience comes wisdom and I won’t read it unless I just happen to come across it, and it’s at least half way though the day. That way it doesn’t become a habit, and more importantly I don’t let words printed on a page define my day.
I’m an Aquarius. Why do you care?
In other news: Miss Vivienne Kate is HOME! God is good, forever and ever Amen!
I Know A Guy
If your family (and/or friends) are anything like mine when you’re looking to have work done, on the house, car, etc, you’re most likely to hear the phrase “I know a guy.”
To be honest this system works out rather well. If the job isn’t done right you call the person who made the recommendation and they’ll take care of it.
Case and point, my mom wants an mp3 adapter put in the car. We called the dealership and something just didn’t sound right to me. So I asked my uncle, who at one point owned a dealership himself, for advice.
He gave me the name of a place that only does car radios, alarms, etc. Because as he put it, “You’d rather not have the same guy that rotated your tires try to fix your radio.”
Point taken, and a good one at that.
Today we went to make an appointment. My mom went for an estimate. I went to case the joint (in the event my uncle hadn’t been there recently I wanted to give him my input).
As my mom was making an appointment for installation I look to my right and see the following sign.
Hourly Rates:
$50
per hour
$75
If you watch
$100
If you help
$150
If you tried to do it yourself first and it didn’t work
I swear to you I didn’t realize it was a joke until I read “If you tried to do it yourself first and it didn’t work,” and then I had to stop myself from laughing until I got back out to the car.
I thought, “There’s a whole new meaning to ‘I know a guy’ sort of”
The whole process costs more than if we were to get a mp3 player put in at the dealership, but not by much, plus I figure if they screw up I tell my uncle he stops sending people there, so eventually we’ll get a reward out of it, somehow.
“Knowing a guy” is so much better than the Yellow Pages.
If you asked me anyway.
Happily Ever Anyway
I’ve already admitted that I struggle with fairy tales; but if you missed that then you should read up before you keep going here.
For those of you who have been waiting for my opinion on The Princess and the Frog today’s the day. I made you wait long enough, didn’t I?
‘Twas a few days before Christmas vacation would be over and my cousin wanted to go to the movies. I had no interest in going to the movies honestly but I had some gifts to buy and both places were in the same mall.
After discovering A Christmas Carol wasn’t playing, even though the paper said it was, we, well he, decided he wanted to see The Princess and the Frog instead. I still had no intention of going to the movies but still went anyway.
I don’t want to give too much away so I’ll try and be careful, but I can’t promise anything.
“Was anyone else really happy that the princess had a job?”
That’s the first thing I said when we sat down to lunch after the movie.
The reason why I really like the movie is simple, the prince is a bonus. Tiana has her own dreams for the future, and none of them have to do with a prince, or finding a man for that matter. She’s just going after her dream that was once her father’s, anything other than that is just icing on the cake.
The music is wonderful. In fact I still have it stuck in my head weeks later. All right, it’s not THAT hard to do but it’s still great. And they went back to classic animation for this film, as much as I love Toy Story I have missed the Sleeping Beauty era, as far as animation style is concerned.
I know there is some concerns about voodoo being part of the movie and how it’s depicted but rest assured (from my prospective anyway) it is not glorified in the way many people many think. The bad guy dies as a result of it first of all. If I were a kid watching this I wouldn’t see this as a good thing. I mean would you?
Here’s another thought for consideration: Why not see the movie as a cultural experience, depending on your kid(s)’s age of course. If they’ve already expressed interest in missions then they’re going to have to deal with cultural differences. Not to mention the film is set in Louisiana which is historically, well, a mixed bag. So why not use the film to start a conversation or two, if nothing else.
And the music is really great. (Did I already mention that?)
And the princess has a job. (Did I already mention that too?)
So I fully endorse seeing this movie
I even called my dad and told him to take his grandnieces to see The Princess and the Frog (then need another bonding activity than go to McDonalds) next time he gets the chance, and I even volunteered to be an extra set of hands, something I’ve never done before but I’ll do in this case.
